God’s plan for marriage creates security in the covenant. I wanted to start doing something new. I am instituting Marriage Fridays. Every Friday, starting today, I am going to speak to marriage and relationships.
I came across a recent news article that quoted Justin Bieber. This is not an endorsement of Bieber nor his music, but I do believe from this quote that somewhere he was taught some Scripture.
“The security marriage gives you is make a covenant before God to love that person for better or worse, in sickness and in health, which is something that you’ve done amazing for me,” he said to Hailey.
Hailey is Justin’s wife and they are now doing a Facebook video series called “The Biebers on Watch.” With 77 million Facebook followers, Justin and Hailey spoke of the security of marriage that comes from a Covenant made before God to love unconditionally.
Today, our culture is all about co-habitating. I have even heard people encourage others to live together first to make sure they are going to be able to get along with them, to make sure they actually like each other. From a human perspective, this makes sense, but it reveals a total misunderstanding of a love that will last forever.
Living together and trying it out first is to say, “If your behavior is too much for me, I’m gone.” This is conditional love. This is love that will not last. We wonder why the divorce rate is so high and why so many of those who stay married are miserably married. Well, the reason is because of conditional love. It is a love that feels justified to ignore, withhold, ridicule, attack, or leave the other person when they behave in a hurtful way. The problem is that when a person does this, it only escalates the anger and hurt.
A soft answer turns away wrath,
but a harsh word stirs up anger. (ESV)
A negative cycle is created where one hurts the other, then the reaction of the second person hurts the first so then they strike back and the battle is on. The Covenant of Unconditional love in the traditional marriage vows to love the other for better, for worse is a promise to love as God loves. He doesn’t abandon us nor harm us even when we are rebelling hard and fast. He keeps on loving. His love is not based on our behavior. The love of God says, “I will never stop loving you and I will never leave you.” Marriages where both partners strive to love like this last and they are filled with intense passion and love.
When a person is secure in knowing that even if they mess up, they will still be loved and treated kindly and fairly, it removes the pressure of trying to be perfect all the time. It gives them freedom to live. The argument against this unconditional love is that it leaves a person open to be walked all over. True, it does. But most people have a deep craving to be loved unconditionally and when they find a spouse who loves like this, they are drawn deep into the heart of that person. They can’t wait to be around that person. They fall in love brand new each day with that person.
So, I will leave you with this question: How well are you loving your spouse? Are they walking on eggshells trying to be perfect or so secure in your love for them that they actually enjoy being around you?
Live Blessed and Be a Blessing!
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